One billion tokens. 10,000 numbered share certificates. A real Uniswap v3 pool from block one — no bonding curve, no graduation.
Meme launchpads fail because they pay the wrong people. We put the believers on the cap table. Expand any section.
Over half of trader addresses are underwater, and 96% of the profitable ones made less than $500. That's not a bear market. That's a verdict.
// you get the behavior you pay for
Every launchpad already knows the fees are the product. What's telling is where each one routes them.
| Platform | Fee model | Recipient |
|---|---|---|
| pump.fun | Creator fee on every trade — plan or no plan | → the creator |
| Bags | Splittable across 100 wallets. Claim bag, thank community, disappear | → many creators |
| Clanker | Most fees route into platform-token buybacks | → platform token |
| Heaven | 100% of revenue burned $LIGHT — a burn address doesn't come back tomorrow | → burn address |
| Cashback Coins | Fees as cashback per swap — the reward scales with churn | → the churner |
On stonks.fun, trading fees flow back to the holders of record — and they flow bigger than any single coin. Every stonk's fees pool into one market basket, and registered shareholders split all of it: launches you never bought, runners you never saw coming.
Cashback rebates your own churn. Reflections paid you more of the coin you already had. The basket pays your conviction in one thing with exposure to everything. Diamond hands become an index position on the whole casino.
Staking was dilution with a dashboard. Reflection tokens strangled their own volume with a 10% tax. "Real yield" was honest and boring. Ours is different in three places: nothing is minted (dividends come from the 1% pool fee trading already pays), nothing is taxed (clean tokens, fee lives at the pool level), nothing is boring (the payout is a basket of live tickets — every dividend is a pack opening).
// conviction stops being a vibe. it becomes a compensated position.
Every trade pays 1% at the pool level — like every Uniswap pool on earth. Split immutably at launch: creator 50 / platform 45 / protocol 5. Buys pay cash, sells pay tokens; we route both sides on purpose.
Your slice = cert tier weight (founder ×25 / early ×5 / retail ×2) × your stonk's real cash fees over the trailing week. Not swap count — cashback pays volume, dividends pay position. Not market cap — mcap can be manufactured, cash fees can't be faked below cost.
A wash-traded dollar pays the full fee and claws back ~43 cents. A dead coin has no weight. No single stonk can carry more than 25% of the basket. The only strategy that pays is the intended one: find something real, get in early, freeze, and hold.
Points ramp +50% after 90 straight days frozen — unfreeze and the clock resets. Dividends sit in a distributor with no admin withdrawal, merkle-proved. Non-custodial by bytecode.
On July 1, Robinhood launched an Ethereum L2 built to put the stock market on-chain, with Uniswap as its primary liquidity layer. The company at the center of January 2021 — stonks, tendies, diamond hands, the whole liturgy — just shipped a chain whose thesis is that stocks belong on-chain.
Now the fine print on its Stock Tokens: not available to US persons. Restricted in Canada, the UK, Switzerland. Access through a tax ID, a questionnaire, an "appropriateness assessment." The thing you finally buy is, by Robinhood's own disclosure, a derivative "without granting rights" to the underlying stock. A permissioned IOU with a ticker on it.
stonks.fun is the other half of the chain: any wallet, any country, no questionnaire — and the certificate IS the ownership, enforced by bytecode, with a registry and a dividend attached.
// on this chain, the joke certificates carry more shareholder rights than the real ones. a homecoming.
None of this makes a bad idea good. A stonk with no reason to exist will bleed like anything else. What changes is who wins when something works: not the fastest sniper or the group chat with motion, but the people on the cap table — the ones with the low serials and the frozen certs.
The market spent eight years teaching launchpads to pay creators, platforms, and churners. The next thing it learns is to pay the believers.
// let there be tendies. 🪽📈 — signed, a shareholder of record
Hold 0.01% of supply and a certificate mints itself into your wallet — sell below it and the cert burns. Serials mint in purchase order, so No. 0007 means you were seventh, forever.
Numbered proof of ownership. The certificate is the share — rendered as a holographic trading card.
Freeze your cert to become a shareholder of record. The registry is the cap table.
A standing claim on the flow. Built together on-chain before now: zero.
The standard came out of the ERC-404 experiments of early 2024 — the market treated it as a two-week gimmick. Turns out the gimmick was a share registry waiting for a reason to exist.
Not live yet — on purpose. The launchpad goes first. $STONKS launches on the same rails once there is real flow worth amplifying, and its founder serials go to the wallets already trading here — not to whoever had the fastest bot on day one.
// common stock everywhere else. preferred here.